we can't imagine heaven without our family, but we can imagine it without Christ?

There have been many days where I have not snuggled into the grace of God over my life. Too many days where I've ignored it. And more days than I'd like to admit where my pride has told me that I didn't even need it.

I've got this.

I work hard.

I'm handling it

It's up to me.

I'll figure this out.

The disconnect for me had always been that sometimes it really DID feel like I'm the one making things happen. Sometimes I can get through an entire day with relative success, problem solving and organizing and then realize at the end of it that I never once asked God for his help or what his plans might have been. Then my response to that was often a subconscience, "well its cool cause things worked out in the end".

Until I realized what I was really saying was "Its cool God cause I really only want you for the benefits and if I can get relatively the same positive results without you, then I'm good with it"

Far cry from love.

Then I read something one day. A lot of us have probably already read it and it came from J.Pipe, and it was this;

"The critical question for our generation—and for every generation—

is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the

friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and

all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties

you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no

human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with

heaven, if Christ were not there? "

And when I first read that, I knew the answer my heart first gave was "yes".

And then I realized IT.

And then I cried.

Cuz I'm a crier.

Because at that point in my life, I had drifted to a place where Christ cared about me being in heaven with him way more than I cared about him being in Heaven with me. And he gave up everything to get me there, I was willing to give up nothing in order to "enjoy" life down here.

I think that is when I fully realized how far away I had slid.

The good news though, has always been that reconciliation with God is only one heart condition away. And its God's kindness that draws us to repentance and so through His love and kindness, my repentance, and his forgiveness, things have been restored.

BUT

it is a good reminder when I find myself falling back into the patterns of just "getting life done" that I need to check myself and determine what things I am really striving to attain. Am I suffering for joy, or am I just suffering? Am I really after a relationship with God who loves me, or am I just after his stuff?

Jesus help me.