God did not create a world of scarcity. But the majority of the world's population are living in a state of not having "enough". Not enough food, not enough water, not enough shelter, not enough safety and not enough justice. But I live in America where I have more than enough food, water, shelter, safety and despite what most would argue, America has been gifted in justice as well.
So for me the problem is focused inward. I struggle regularly with feelings that *I* am not enough. As a student, I don't always get the grades I would like. As a hairdresser I don't always get the results I would like. As a youth leader, I don't spend as much time with the girls as I would like and I feel like I'm always missing their games, track meets, plays and performances. As an auntie I feel like I'm kissing Holly goodbye more than I'm just snuggling with her on the couch hiding under a blanket (which she loves). As a friend it feels like I'm constantly forgetting to text someone back or get together with that person like we've been planning. And as an overall productive member of society, I still don't have a real job that pays me a regular salary.
And sometimes I feel totally crushed under the weight of all that. And I feel like I should just quit everything and go live in the forest or something. Because I'm "obviously" just letting everyone down and didn't you know that the ENTIRE WORLD is depending on me to watch their kids and do their hair and paint their houses and disciple their high school girls and get a college degree and a husband?
But really, thats just how I feel, but its not what i know. Because what i know is that the movie is not about me and in the same way that God didn't create a world of scarcity, he also did not save me and give me his spirit so that I could feel like someone who is lacking and unable to live the life He's got for me. Because its true, I'm not enough. And when I'm trying to be something for everyone out of just my own abilities, I end up not having enough for anyone. On my own I'm not enough but in Christ I am completely whole and healthy fit for good works which God prepared in advance for me to do (ephesians 2:10). And if its in my weakness that God is glorified then how is it any credit to Him when I pretend to be handling all of life just great on my own?
And the truth is, I love my life! I really do. I'm so grateful that I get to spend my time with kids that I love and high school girls that I love, and that I get to use other peoples' homes and heads as outlets for the creativity God gifted to me. I love that my life is such that because I don't have a serious job, I could leave for 3 months to Kosovo. And I love that my schedule includes: "stay up for 24 hours with good friends and high schoolers playing games". So please don't hear me say I am not thankful, because I am! And please don't hear me say I don't enjoy it, because I do!
I read a quote this week that said "the christian life is either supernatural or its nothing". So, I can either look at the responsibilities surging in the coming days (and years) and feel crushed and inadequate or I can trust God, move forward and watch the supernatural.
Option number 2 please.
