His

This week is perhaps a beginning to sharing truth with Europe, which, we are commanded to do in order that others may become as we are—His.

His.

I am His.
Maybe you are His as well.
Maybe you're not.

Maybe you once believed that you were and then unlovely things happened and you took them as proof that He is unloving. I've been there. I've been there within this month. I've been there only to later see the purposes of those wounds and once again fall into humility that I once again dared to doubt his kindness.

But in these last few days, in taking all of this in, in sharing our stories and our messes and sharing about deaths and drugs and absent fathers and alcoholic mothers and crying together and remembering and seeing how only God could have moved in the hurt like He did to bring about blessings and purpose that would otherwise be impossible, I have been overcome with the reality that I AM his. I must be.

I belong to Him. He takes care of me. He doesn't abandon me. He hasn't ever betrayed me.
Its an incredible feeling when you can look back and know with certainty that your life is being completely cared for.
Its something we all need.

And so I will keep being His haircutter, His painter, His missionary—because I have to share the truth and the story of what Christ has done. Its mine, and His, and others need to hear it; they are starving for need of it. I can't let them.

Of Seeds and Boulders

If you had told me ten years ago that I was going to be cutting hair for money I would have told you to go wash your filthy mouth. And then I probably would have hit you with a throw pillow as a reminder that I paint houses not hair.

Ten year old Kayla was really feisty.

Twenty year old Kayla is still pretty feisty too actually.

Sometimes I still can't believe I have a license to do hair. Not because thats such an unbelievable thing, but rather because its just never where I thought I would be.

And on that first day of cosmetology school I never thought that by the end of it I would be preparing to move to an almost a 3rd world country for a year to cut hair and share the gospel.

But its been a good reminder of the seeds God plants in our lives. Seemingly insignificant occurrences that eventually lead to drastic changes. And its good for me to look back on the fruit of those seeds when it seems like I'm just stuck in the dirt for no reason.

Today I had three short text conversations with three different people all of whom were essentially having the same problem but each coming at it from different avenues. They just couldn't see around the thing that was obstructing their vision and sucking their joy. And I could only recognize it because I've walked in it often. I've been there where I've allowed even the smallest of things to so become my focus that eventually I could see nothing else and it was as if I had no future outside those things.

I read an incredible quote this week that said "Nothing is as big as God. But even little things can block out the sun if held too close to the eye."

So heres my tie-in: Its human nature to assume that whatever situation we're in now is the same situation we're gonna be in years from now. Like we know thats not really the truth, but it doesn't stop us from getting frustrated and acting like it is. And if we're honest we don't really consider our lives to be short until we're nearing the end of them. But the reality is God sees our lives as a vapor. Short. Here today and gone today.

And in light of eternity, which is what our souls have actually been designed for, thats an exact accurate view of things even though we almost never see it that way.

But the comfort is that God still moves in our lives. Just because we're experiencing something now doesn't mean God's left us there and forgotten about us. He's got a plan. And sometimes all we can see is the seed of that plan. And sometimes we're so smothered by it that we cant even recognize its a seed but instead it just looks like a huge boulder in our way.

But slowly, eventually, in his perfect and loving timing the seed starts to grow and the stem pokes its head out from the soil and there is light. The same light that was always there helping us grow but that has just now been made visible.

Don't make the mistake of viewing your present circumstances as bigger and more lasting than they are. And especially don't make the mistake of viewing God as fleeting and smaller than He is.

"O LORD, make me know my end and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting I am

Psalm 39:4

Questions and answers

an adulterous soul

how could one body house such polarity

and still ever be graced with liberating enjoyment

internal rest

healthy affection

for anything?

I wonder about my purpose

why is it sometimes so hidden

why have these beginnings?

why create this mouth, that hand, those feet

why plant the tree at all

Sovereignty knew rebellion

God made the unnecessary

Sovereignty knew the agony

blood and flesh ripping

unceasing rejection

God chose the unlovely

why elect the unfaithful the disloyal

you say that I'm worth it to you

you said the agony was your joy

when you rearranged dirt to make us

that was your joy?

I question without end.

and then you question me

and I remember

I was not there when you laid the foundation of the earth

I have not entered the storehouses of the snow

and I cannot condemn you so that I may be in the right.

Job 38-40

NYTYTHITD

SO.

I don't make new years resolutions because I don't like to do things I'm not good at. Also I don't like to fail. And even though you'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take...

(thank you Mr. Zeller) I still don't like the stigma surrounding resolutions. Because there is so totally a stigma. Almost to the point where not making a new years resolution is the new making a new years resolution.

Actually the serious truth is that I don't like the idea of resolutions because they set up this pass or fail situation where failing often leads to depression and passing often leads to self righteousness. There's really no winning in that.

But I do love the idea of fresh starts and I do love the concept of setting goals and working at change in areas of your life that need it.

So I like to make what I call New Year's Train-Yourself-to-Head-in-that-Direction(s)

And this year for my NYTYTHITD (it will catch on, don't worry) I have decided to focus attention specifically on learning to be more encouraging and respectful toward others.

Which is tough because sarcasm is actually my native tongue. And also tough because it seems to be everybody's language of choice these days. Encouragement doesn't sell. Sarcastic wit and mockery sells.

But heres what I think I know about teasing in general. It eventually wears people down. Even the ones that would tell you its how they show affection, once the shoe is on the other foot, the right comments made by the right people the right amount of times and you're gonna see things go bad for that relationship.

And heres what I know that I know about encouragement. When someone says something to encourage me, its really.... encouraging. And it makes me wanna do better and serve them well, out of affection and not just half-hearted submission.

Which is why if I'm babysitting a kid I try never to throw out the "why don't you ever listen to me?" card because that isn't going to make them listen. Its just going to send them the message that says "I don't listen to her" and then they're going to continue to ignore me while still in a sense living up to my expectations of them.

Proverbs 18:21 says that death and life are in the power of the tongue...

So my words to people can either bring them life or send them in a death direction. Thats a pretty sobering thought. Especially when you hang out with kids all the time. Its also why when the kids I watch start fighting, I say awkward things like "we speak life over this mario competition!" and they look at me like I'm a total nutjob. Which gets them to stop fighting. See what I did there?

Its true though. And it applies to every relationship you will have. I've seen it a hundred times.

Romans 12:10 tells Christians to "Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor."

Outdoing one another in showing honor? Like I don't even know what that would look like. But I bet its super healthy and everyone is working to serve everyone else and not just themselves.

And then Hebrews 10:24 "And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works..."

It sounds to me like we're actually supposed to be giving some mindspace to the task of figuring out how we can love and encourage each other. Pre-meditated encouragement as opposed to pre-meditated murder.

So that's my NYTYTHITD for this year, and I'm certain this isn't going to just happen without the work of the Holy Spirit so if you think of it you can pray that I'd be heading in this direction and I'll pray for it too and for the rest of us that we might be less concerned with how funny people think we are for our sarcasm and more concerned with how we can use our words to bring life to the people around us.