The News We've All Been Waiting For

So far in life I've had to make very few big decisions that were going to greatly alter the course of my life in any significant way. And I know that statements not actually true, cause it was all the small little decisions that made up my life and whatever, insert charming poster slogan here.
The point is, I've been able to rather discretely make most of my decisions based on "gut feelings" without anyone really noticing that many times there was very little logic or pragmatism behind my moves. And I've written before about how theres been some confusion in that for me as to whats the Holy Spirit directing and whats just me being selfish. And I will say that God has been so gracious in that. And he HAS been faithful to lead me.

But.

Before I started paying attention to any of that.
-The decision to leave high school a year early and do college? Just felt like what I should do.
-The decisions to miss LOTS of class and not worry about failing? Just always felt like it was gonna be fine. And it was.
-The decision to not purchase any text books for the classes I had signed up for my previous semester (even though I was several weeks in)? Just felt something telling me I wouldn't need them. It wasn't till later that I walked into cosmetology school only to find that their course was starting in two weeks and it was the last one that would offer the ROP discount (which i needed)
-The decision to drop all my classes (thank goodness I hadn't bought the books) and start cosmo school? Felt like it was just where I needed to be to minister.
-About three months till graduating cosmo school, I started leaning towards the decision to use my new skills to do missions work. Totally just a desire the lord put on my heart. Didn't make any practical sense whatsoever.
-Decision to attend the missions conference at rcf instead of traveling to see family? Just felt like it was where I needed to be that weekend.
-Decision to sit next to the CEO of Greater Europe Missions and his wife? Just felt like a good place to sit.
-Decision to go back and find an old email the other morning, five minutes before I needed to leave for my meeting with the missions pastor? Just felt like an important thing to do, even though I was probably gonna be late.

So there I was going back to find that old email when I saw one I had missed that had been sitting in my inbox for over 10 days. And it was an email from the missions organization I had applied with, Greater Europe Missions. It was the first I'd heard from them since a few weeks ago when they had written to say it looked like all the options they thought would be good for me, didn't look like they were really going to work out. I knew that wasn't a no, but I had also put a lot less stock in the European Missions front after that.

So then I see this little gem. The one that had been there for almost two weeks unnoticed. It was an email letting me know that a family who has been serving in Kosovo for a long time contacted GEM with a long list of ways they could use cosmetology where they're serving. As well as a bunch of other ways in which I could be of use. The family wants me to come and live with them for a year and help out by doing a whole list of different things there with them in Kosovo. One of the poorest nations in Europe, with a 90% muslim population (and a reputation for no electricity many times)

excitement
surprise
uncertainty
excitement
curiosity
nervousness
fear
excitement

I've been feeling all those things for the last week since I got this news. So much to think about. So many possibilities to weigh. If I go that will mean A, B, and C. If I don't go, thats going to mean D, E, and F.

The point is on this one, theres just too many feelings involved and I can't possibly begin to think that I can make this decision based on any one of them. And so the great consolation to all of this is that I can rest knowing that its God's job to stear my heart and that I will let him peel away all the feelings so that I can have assurance in what He's wanting from me here. And I especially keep coming back to the need for his peace and assurance because I know that if I am to go, there are probably going to be days where qutting and coming home are going to look very enticing (especially if theres no electricity). And unless I start with a rock solid certainty that Christ has placed me there for a purpose, I know its going to be far too tempting to convince myself on those days that I must have made the wrong decision. That I must have felt this one out wrong. That God wants me back home with my family and hot water.

So I need you to pray for me to get assurance. Whether thats assurance to go or stay. I need you to beg God to give me unwavoring clarity in this decision. So please pray for that for me. I need it.

And pray quickly if you wouldn't mind, cause I'm not gonna get such excellent air fare rates if I wait too much longer ;)