Holy Spirit vs. Pepperoni Pizza

disclaimer: in the event of pure and total honesty (i would say transparency, but I just heard recently that "Yammering about "transparency" makes you seem crooked. It's like constantly reminding people you're not a child molester." So #countmeout) I will say that this post was actually written last sunday but never finished so wherever I say today, I really mean last sunday. Till you start getting to the end, and then if i say today, I'm most likely referring to today today. All in favor of not caring which day I'm talking about say aye. Good. Here we go.

K, story; today (but not today) after we were dismissed from church I was standing in the aisle and a man who had been sitting behind me came up and introduced himself. I didnt know him at all and if I'd seen him before at church I'll be honest and say I never paid attention. But he shook my hand and then he told me that for several weeks he felt the lord had been pressing on his heart to talk to me. To apologize rather. I had no idea what he could possibly need to apologize for. I'd never talked to him. Then he told me that several weeks ago in church I had turned around and looked at him sitting a few rows back and I had waved and given a big huge smile. And then he said, "I dont know, maybe you were waving to someone else behind me, but I've just really felt the lord telling me I needed to come talk to you and apologize for not waving back and just giving you a blank stare". Well not to sound uncaring but I either must have been waving at someone else or he must have had me mistaken with someone else because I'm fairly friendly, but its really quite uncharacteristic of me to just whip around in the middle of church and wave at strange men. Sorry I'm not sorry?

BUT. You have to do something with the fact that he "felt the lord pressing on his heart to apologize to me". And for weeks he said he felt this! This man, by what he said, has apparently been battling conviction for weeks about something that didn't really even happen.

So what do we do with that? Well you always have the possibility that while the holy spirit knew full well I had waved at someone else he had something to teach this man about compassion or friendliness. Maybe. Thats for him. Happy to help. But then theres also the idea that the holy spirit wasnt convicting him at all. That he had nothing to feel convicted about, it was just a misunderstanding and he allowed his guilt and emotions to plague him for weeks and convince him that the issue was spiritual.


Because thats what I do.


I think part of it is just the way I am wired. I almost can't help but overthink every situation. And then overthink the reasons why I overthunk it (that just happened). My inner head voice is constantly running. And so I can't deny the fact that I've acted several times from feelings that I was so sure were God driven only to see later where it was really just my own desires drowning out all the other voices till I was convinced it must be God talking when in reality I was acting out of selfishness. And some of these weren't just small decisions. Some were things I prayed and prayed about and in the end went with my "gut" (a.k.a. fake holy spirit voice) only to realize later that I'd made a "mistake" and what I thought was the holy spirit's calling was actually just that spicy pizza talking back.

"my gut is telling me no..... but my gut is also very hungry"-Gob Bluth (that was for free)


So here is what I know:
John 10:3-5
"To him the gatekeeper opens. The sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes before them, and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice. A stranger they will not follow, but they will flee from him, for they do not know the voice of strangers."

So judging by this passage I am to be familiar with God's voice. I'm supposed to know it and run from what is fake. And when I do hear His voice I am to trust it, because thats the voice of my father who doesn't harm me ever. So how do I get familiar with that voice? How do I get to a place where I know whats real and whats fake. Whats God and whats pizza.... or me.... or satan?

The Biiiiiiiiiible. The same way you get familar with any other voice. You listen to it. Over and over again. All the time. I can be in the noisiest establishment sitting far away from the speakers but I can tell you within seconds if a Dashboard Confessional song comes on (not the most impressive of skills to brag about I know). Why? Because I've been listening to their music for years and I know it. And if another band covered one of their songs, I would so be able to tell.

So I guess my point is, its when I'm not spending enough time in scripture and in prayer that all the different voices sound fuzzy. And I think maybe the little run in with church guy, regardless of what it meant for him, was a good reminder for me to stay in that place where I know God's voice so that I will be able to flee from other voices that are not his, the ones that do intend to harm me.